


Picking up the Pieces

by PurplePanda



Category: Hollyoaks
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:13:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22176859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurplePanda/pseuds/PurplePanda
Summary: Three months ago James had chosen John-Paul over Liam, he knew he had made the right choice but after a world shattering experience, which of the two men would he come to truly rely on?
Relationships: James Nightingale/Liam Donovan, John Paul McQueen/James Nightingale
Comments: 28
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

May 2020

James could feel the tongue owning his body, it twisted around his nipple, the hand drifting down to his erection. They came face to face as the man moved up and kissed his lips, the tongue now softly massaging his own. The hand was slowly teasing him, torturing him with every pull of him. Liam had always been able to drive him wild, he could tease him beyond belief, he could make him reach a height no one else was yet to get him too. "Wakey wakey sleepy head" he felt the bed move and his eyes flicked open, the dream coming to an abrupt end "You seem to be enjoying your dream" John-Paul nodded down to his erection slowing through his thin pyjamas. He pulled the duvet over his body and the man laughed "I hope you were thinking of me"

"Of course" he lied. He and John-Paul had been back together a few months. Their relationship was moving very quickly with him and Matthew already planning to move in.

"Good" he leant into his lips and kissed him gently "I have to get to work, see you tonight" he pushed from the bed and disappeared. James often thought of Liam, they hadn't parted on bad terms, he just wanted a future he knew Liam would never give him. It wasn't that they avoided each other either, they just didn't talk, even if they did see each other, one of them would quickly pull their phone out so they could pretend they were to busy to stop. He didn't like it but that was just the way things were now and he needed to focus on his relationship with John-Paul.

...

After John-Paul had left, James had fallen back to sleep, he had woken late and was now in a terrible rush. He had ordered a large coffee from the cafe, which the waitress had managed to get wrong twice, how hard was it to make a coffee? He quickly headed to the door, taking the lid off as he went, he began to blow the hot liquid as he headed out of the door in a world of his own. He felt the liquid drop from his hand as the body slammed into him, the familiar smell hit him first but the voice confirmed it "Shit" Liam stressed as he bent down to pick up his phone that he had dropped to the floor from the impact

"Your phone okay?" James asked

"Better than your drink" he spoke, glancing up at the man and a slight smile traced his lips "and your trousers" suddenly noticing the pain from the hot liquid, he pulled his trousers from his skin

"Excellent" he stressed "I will have to go home and change now and I really needed that coffee" he glanced at the large queue forming at the counter 

"Don't stress Batman, go get yourself changed and I will grab you another drink with mine" before he could answer Liam headed off to join the queue. 

When he returned some ten minutes later Liam was sat at a small table, two cups of coffee rested in front of him "Mine was a take away" 

"I know" he replied simply 

"Well that one is not" 

"No" 

"I'm in a rush Liam" 

"You also look half asleep and your shirt is buttoned up wrong, sit down, drink that and get yourself together" 

"With you?" he asked as he began to alter his buttons 

"Am I that hard to have a conversation with?" 

"You really want me to answer that?" 

"How have you been?" Liam asked 

"Overworked and barely sleeping" James chose not to inform Liam of his lack of sleep was due to his mind wandering to thoughts of them together 

"How is your love life?" he rose an eyebrow as he sipped his drink, he shifted awkwardly and Liam laughed "Oh come on James, its not like we were ever serious, you chose a future over a fling" 

"That what I was, a fling?" 

"Exactly that James, an easy, dirty minded, fling" he laughed "Who was up for anything, whenever I wanted, who in their right mind would say no" 

"I have to go" he noticed Liam smirk as he gathered his belongings 

"You still have some stuff to pick up from mine actually " he rose to his feet "Couple of suits, some underwear, I am more than happy to help you change into it" he glanced down to eye his body 

"Keep it, I can afford to replace it, I am sure you could do with a little momento for the cold, lonely nights" he smiled, he had finally got the upper hand 

"Don't worry, I have someone keeping my bed warm". James felt his smirk fade as Liam laughed, stood up and headed for the door. 

... 

They had successfully completed a huge, high profile case, he was overly proud of himself, he was an outstanding lawyer, anyone he had defended, anyone who has seen him in court would say the same. He had gone for a drink with a few people from work, they weren't people he would class as friends, he didn't have friends, they weren't even acquaintances, he couldn't even remember their names. He just needed to get drunk and get Liam Donavan out of his mind, he was with John-Paul, he loved John-Paul. He had left his company after only one drink and now found himself in a gay bar, he wasn't on the pull, he just found the need to be himself and although he wasn't your conventional gay man, he did like to look at men. "Can I buy you a drink?" he glanced to the man, he was undeniably good looking, he was visibly younger than him with dark black hair, his skin was tanned and his body was defined, his muscles pumping through his lime green shirt "You look a lot like my next boyfriend" 

"I can buy my own actually" he replied, choosing to ignore the second comment 

"That's fine" the man smiled "We can go Dutch" 

"I am not interested in going anything with you" 

"We will see, the night is young" 

"Look I don't mean to be rude, actually I do, I am not interested in some retarded fuckwit, who's education probably consists of failed GCSEs and a prison qualification. So if you don't mind, I am trying to enjoy a quiet drink" 

"Arsehole" the man replied 

"Very good" James clapped his hands, clearly patronising the man "a very educated comment, exactly the sort of response I would expect from someone I would have to reduce my conversation to make myself understood. Men like me don't talk to neanderthals like you". 

"Men like you, get what's coming to them" 

"Oh no" he bit onto a clenched fist "I'm shaking in my boots, did you understand that or do you need me to draw you a little diagram?". He turned back to his drink and continued to sip his wine.  
... 

His head hurt, his body hurt, his soul hurt. He walked into the hospital, his mind a blur, his thoughts unclear and haunting him. He had never been one to ask for help, to need help but here he was, about to break his demeanor and admit to what his evening had become, a living nightmare. He had left the bar just after 11 and it was now fast approaching seven the next morning. He had struggled to find the strength to come here, wandering and sitting alone on benches, but he knew it was what was needed. "Can I help?" the woman behind the desk asked, typing away on her computer 

"Yes" he replied moving forward "I have been assaulted" 

"Okay, if I could take some details? Where are you hurt?" she asked, still not making eye contact 

"No, no" he replied, closing his eyes in an attempt to gather the words "I have been raped".


	2. Chapter 2

He sat staring at the ceiling, the hospital lights beaming down on him, he could feel then burning into him, the intensity of them making his eyes water. He blinked away from them the light and towards the small window across the room, the sun was really shining in now and it looked like a beautiful day. He closed his eyes, the tiredness was taking its toll on him but he still couldn't fall asleep, his mind just wouldn't allow it. He had several missed calls from John-Paul, that he was choosing to ignore, he just couldn't speak to him at the moment, he couldn't face him. He had completed intrusive examinations and tests, the police had taken an initial statement, he had to go and make a video statement later in the week. He glanced down at his hospital gown, trying to contemplate his next move. The nurses kept coming in to check on him, patronise him more like, he needed someone he could rely on not to feel sorry for him, someone who actually doesn't care in the slightest. He grabbed his phone and began to type the text requesting the mans presence before laying his head down onto the pillow and forcing his eyes shut once again. "Seriously" the voice startled him and he awoke from a sleep he wasn't aware he had fallen into "Yesterday you are telling me to keep all your shit and today you are demanding I bring it to the hospital"

"I didn't demand Liam" the man put the bag to the bed and he smiled at him, their eyes meeting "I do really appreciate it"

"So, what you doing in here?" he asked

"It's not important"

"Get a bit bladdered last night?". 

The door opened before James had a chance to respond "How are you feeling Mr Nightingale?" Liam headed towards the door, without so much as a goodbye 

"On top of the world" he replied sarcastically 

"We would like to offer you counselling" he noticed his former lover stop and step back into room, listening into the conversation 

"No" he noticed Liam looking suspiciously between him and the young lady at the end of the bed "I don't need anything, I would just like to leave" 

"Okay, the police have been given your clothes" he felt Liam hold his hand that was rested on the bed and he avoided making eye contact, knowing the man had cottoned on to what was happening "We have the results of your tests" 

"Do you want me to go?" Liam asked, James could hear the sadness chocked in his voice

Still unable to make eye contact he gently shook his head "No, stay" he whispered, ashamed that he needed him, he squeezed his hand tighter and James didn't feel quite so alone 

"Everything has come back clear" the nurse smiled "We will need to see you again in three months to complete the HIV test" 

"Fine, can I leave now?" 

"Yes I have got you some leaflets with advice and helplines, just in case you need them" the nurse placed them to the table and left the room. 

"James" 

"I don't need your pity Liam, I think you should go" he spoke, closing his eyes, forcing himself to regain his composure 

"I will go when John-Paul gets here" 

"He isn't coming, I am not telling him" 

"So what happens when he starts asking questions?" 

"He won't get the chance, I am going to tell him I have meetings and I am going away for a while" 

"So where are you going?" 

"A hotel maybe, I don't know yet" 

"James look at me" he refused to let his eyes meet the man's and he felt the hand on his chin turning his face towards him "You are not alone" 

"Please don't" he felt his mask slip as he tried to pull back 

"I am not leaving you James, you are coming home with me and I will get you through this, I promise you" 

... 

There had been nobody home when they had arrived back and Liam had lead him up to his bedroom, he had full intentions of hiding out so no one would see him. Liam told him he was welcome to stay for as long as he wanted and that all the while he stayed hidden away from the world he would wait on him hand and foot and that no one would know he was there. Liam had informed him to settle in and he would grab them some food, not that he was hungry but he felt he couldn't turn down the gesture. He had showered for the best part of an hour, he needed to erase every part of what happened, he had rubbed his skin red raw but the smell, the feeling, the bruises still tattooed his body. He had pulled on Liam's dressing gown and settled onto the bed. "Dinner is served" Liam grinned as he dropped the carrier bag to the bed, James pulled it open and glanced at the bag full of chocolate, pringles, doughnuts and Ben and Jerry's ice cream, he frowned up at him "I thought some junk food might be better" 

"Thank you" he replied and he sincerely meant it, he was truly thankful to have someone and in all honesty he couldn't be more pleased that it was Liam. He took a spoon that Liam held out to him and opened the tub of chocolate fudge brownie ice cream and began to eat. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Liam asked and James looked at him, clear concern on his face 

"I don't really know where to start" 

"The beginning is usually best" James stabbed the spoon into his ice cream, clearly rattled by the question "If you don't want to it's fine James, just know I am here, if you ever do" 

"Out of the fifteen thousand rapes reported a year, roughly a thousand are convicted, you know that?" Liam shook his head "I am responsible for rapists walking free, for what has happened to me" he placed the ice cream to the bedside table "I would get them off" 

"Them?" 

"Three of them" 

"Did they all-?" 

"Yes" he inhaled deeply "I met one of them in a bar, I knocked him back in my usual fashion. He was waiting for me when I left" 

"So you would recognise him?" 

"Yes" he opened the dressing gown slightly to reveal the green and blue bruising on his skin below "I hoped when they had done this it was over" he gulped back a lump rising in his throat "I knew, when they held me down" Liam took hold of his hand "The more I try to block it out" he shook his head as tears began to escape him, Liam let go of his hand and pulled him into a hug 

"This isn't your fault James, none of this is on you" he fell into the man's chest, wrapping his arms round him as he held him tight "It will be okay, I will look after you, I promise you they won't get near you again". James hated needing someone, appearing weak and unable to fend for himself but he couldn't remain strong, the pain inside him was eating him alive. 

... 

A few days had passed and James was struggling to cope, Liam had been a rock to him but he felt guilt towards John-Paul, he wasn't cheating and he had no intentions of being intimate with anyone at the moment but that didn't stop him from wanting to be with Liam, with trusting Liam with another of his darkest secrets. He wanted the future John-Paul could offer him but he wasn't sure he was the one he wanted it with. He sat on the bed watching Liam doing his morning work out, the routine was strict and he had come to admire his determination and his physique for that matter. He continued to pick at the croissants Liam had given him for breakfast, if one good thing had come from this, it was the friendship he had developed with Liam. "Right, I have to run" Liam said. James realised he had fallen into a trance, Liam was now stood across the room, pulling a vest on to cover his body. "I have a delivery coming in, Grace is out all day so you will have the place to yourself" he moved over towards him and squeezed his hand "ring if you need me yeah". James nodded before watching the man leave, he had chosen not to tell him that today was the day he was going to give his statement to the police. He showered and dressed before heading out, straight into the waiting taxi, determined not to be seen.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter may be upsetting to read, so please be warned. Thank you

He was dropped outside an ordinary looking semi detached house, it wasn't what he was expecting when he thought of making a statement, however this was all alien to him. There was a car parked on the drive, so he was guessing the officers were already here. He knocked on the door and straightened his suit, he had a queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, it wasn't something he was used to and it definitely wasn't something he liked. A young man opened the door and James felt even more uneasy "James?" he asked. He nodded as a way of response "Please come in" he stepped aside to allow him into the room and gestured to the door at the end of the corridor "Have you come alone?" he asked, James again just nodded, as he went through the door he entered a small kitchen "Do you want a drink? Tea? Coffee?" the officer asked, James shook his head, he had lost his words, he wanted to speak but nothing would come out. "Okay, well, I am Detective Lyons, George, I will be conducting your interview, my colleague Sandra is upstairs, she will be watching through the camera to make sure the sound is working and we are getting everything we need". James wasn't really listening, he had tuned out long ago, this was wrong, he found it hard being the interviewee, rather than the lawyer. "James" the man spoke "are you okay?"

"Is anyone ever really okay if they are here to do this?" he asked, finally forming some part of a conversation 

"I know it's very challenging-"

"Please don't patronise me" he answered, quickly cutting him off "I am not a child, nor am I your regular rape 'victim'" his air quotes didn't add the affect he was hoping for, instead making him feel juvenile. "I know how this works, I just want to get it over with"

"Of course, I will see if my colleague is ready and we will get started".

...

He was lead into a very plain room, it was decorated in a blinding white throughout with two red comfy looking chairs facing each other. The detective pointed out a camera and directed him to sit down and relax, that was a joke. George sat down opposite him and placed a glass of water in front of each of them to a coffee table centered between the chairs, James hadn't even been aware he was carrying them. "So we can do this one of two ways, you can just talk through your account or I can ask you questions if you would find that easier?"

"I really don't care, I just want to get this over with" the man smiled gently and James let out a huge sigh "What do you want to ask?"

"If you could start by talking me through why you were in the club?"

"How is that relevant?"

"It is just to get a picture of what happened"

"I was raped, how about we talk about that?" he was aware he was becoming very agitated but he couldn't control it "Why don't we talk about how I was held down while three men raped me" standing up he said "This is a mistake, I don't want to do this"

"James"

"No, I can't do this"

"We are not here to try and force you into making a statement if you don't want to, that is entirely your choice" he smiled "if you want to stop we can stop, we can come back to it another time, another day" 

"I was approached by one of the men in the club" he moved and sat back down "I think he was attempting to aquire a date" 

"How did you react?" 

"I told him in no uncertain terms it wasn't going to happen, he wasn't my type and I have a partner" 

"He left?" 

"After telling me I would regret my words, yes, I didn't see him inside again" 

"How long after did you leave?" 

"Thirty minutes, maybe thirty five" 

"What happened when you were outside?" 

"There were no taxis, I decided to wait for one, they are always appearing" closing his eyes he placed his head into his hands "one of the men called out to me from the side of the club, an alley" he looked up at the officer "I have more sense than to approach men in dark, lonely alleys but he was calling for help" 

"So you walked down?" 

"Part of the way yes and I called to ask him if he was okay" 

"What did he say?" 

"He didn't answer. I felt someone push me further into the alley, the man from the club" he wiped the tears from his eyes "Once I was further into the alley, I realised there were two of them already there" 

"Then what happened?" 

"I was pushed to the ground, they began stamping on my stomach and kicking me" he reached forward and grabbed the glass of water, taking a sip, he kept it in his hands. "They were laughing, joking" 

"Could you hear what they were saying?" 

"No" he took another sip of his drink "One of them, pushed me onto my stomach". James stopped talking, unable to find the words once again. Several minutes passed, he didn't know how long the silence lasted but it was deafening.

"James, would you like a break?"

"I'm not feeling very well"

"Okay, let's take a break". They headed out the room and towards the kitchen "Are you okay?"

"I feel sick"

"Would you like me to call someone for you?"

"Yes, Liam, Liam Donovan".

...

Twenty minutes passed before he heard a knock on the door, he took a sip of his cup of tea and George went to open the door. A few seconds later and the two men appeared. George excused himself, saying he was going to check on the footage they had so far and Liam closed the door behind him. "Why didn't you tell me?" Liam asked

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be sorry you idiot" he sighed as he headed towards him "Come here" he leant down and pulled him into his arms "I want to help you James"

"It is so hard" he pulled back from the hug "talking to a stranger about what they did"

"I can't begin to imagine what this is like but you are strong James"

"I'm not, I'm weak and pathetic"

"No, listen to me, you can do this and I will support you or you can walk away and I will support you but don't ever think you are weak or pathetic because that is them, people who do this are the lowest of the low"

"I just want to forget"

"Yeah I get that" he sat in a chair opposite him "but this isn't going to just go away, you can face your demons and work through it or you can let it eat you up"

"I am frightened Liam" it was a feeling that he hated, that was bizarre to him and the words hurt him to say but it was true, this was killing him

"You can do this James"

"Do you want to continue?" the two men glanced to the detective as he came back into the room. He glanced at Liam, who nodded gently placing his hand on top of his own 

"Yes I do" he stood up and glanced to Liam once again "Will you wait?" 

"I am going no where".

...

Back in the room he took a sip of his water and sat back down, he could feel a tight knot in his stomach, a lump rising in his throat as he prepared himself to start again. "I was laying there on my stomach, I could smell stale smoke on them, mixed with an overpowering aftershave" he felt the tears escape and roll down his cheeks. "They pulled on my trousers, I wanted to fight but one of them had his knee pushing into my back, he was holding my arms together" he paused again "Once they had taken my trousers off I knew what they were going to do"

"What did they do?"

"They raped me, in turn" he closed his eyes "The pain I felt, it was like my body was being torn in two"

"Can you go into more detail?"

"More detail, what do you want to know?" he shouted, his temper flaring "which one appeared to have the most fun?"

"You say they raped you in turn?"

"Yes"

"Each of them just once?"

"Is that not enough?"

"Of course, I just have to establish a chain of events"

"Yes, they each raped me once"

"Okay, can you tell me how they raped you?"

"How?" he asked "is that a serious line of questioning?"

"I need to-"

"Need to what, is it not painful enough, humiliating enough that I then have to sit here and tell you how they overpowered me and penetrated-" he stopped mid sentence "I want to stop"

"Of course, we have enough to make an arrest"

"An arrest?" he asked wiping his eyes "You know who they are?"

"Yes we do". 

He wasn't stupid enough to ask how they knew or who they were, they wouldn't tell him but he was damn sure he would find out.


	4. Chapter 4

The journey back James had been quiet, he was finding it hard to sort his thoughts. He was thankful to Liam but he was starting to feel suffocated. "James" he choose to ignore the man and headed straight through his house and shut himself in Liam's en-suite. "I am just downstairs if you want to talk James". He heard him say through the door, before he heard the floor board creek and his bedroom door close, he splashed some water to his face before walking out and sitting on the bed, he pulled his phone out and scrolled through until he found the number of an old friend of his, a friend who was fairly high up in the police department and wasn't afraid to bend the rules. Twenty minutes later he had three names, the one he was interested in was the man who had approached him in the bar, Noah Spencer, a name he would now never forget. His friend had told him the officer dealing had ordered the arrests and it should happen today, James knew this meant within 24 hours they would be released on bail. He had asked his contact to keep him updated before laying back onto the bed and closing his eyes.

...

James had sat with the three names scribbled down on a scrap of paper, Ross Miller, Dylan Green and Noah Spencer. He wanted revenge but he wasn't entirely sure how to get it. He could feel the blood boiling away in his body, bile rising in his throat, he hated these men, more than he had hated anyone in his life, his father came close, the way he hurt him time and time again destroyed his childhood and his life to a point but it helped form him into the man he is today, or was seems more accurate, he wasn't that person anymore, he was broken and damaged. Hearing his phone ring on the bed next to him he glanced at the name and let out a sigh, time to face the music. "John-Paul" he answered "How are you?" 

"Other than worried sick over you, yeah I am good" 

"Listen" 

"No you listen James, if we are over you need to just say now" 

"We aren't over John-Paul" he rose to his feet and headed over towards the window and glanced out "It has been a tough few days" 

"When are you coming home?" 

"I don't know"

"What's going on James?" 

"Nothing, I promise you John-Paul" he rubbed his hand across his eyes "I love you, you know that" he turned round and seeing the man in the door way he sighed gently "I have to go, I'll speak to you soon". He hung up without giving John-Paul a chance to respond and chucked his phone to the bed "I was about to come and find you", it was a lie, he had no intentions of leaving the bedroom but it felt like the right thing to say. 

"I just come to let you know I am going out" Liam spoke 

"Out?" 

"Yes, I will see you when I see you" he turned to the door and James moved quickly and grabbed his hand 

"Are we okay Liam?" 

"Why wouldn't we be?" 

"My relationship with John-Paul is-" 

"Is none of my business James, I think you should think about going home" 

"You said you would support me" 

"And I don't think I can do any more, it should be John-Paul supporting you, I think you should go, today" 

"Liam" 

"I'm sorry James but I can't do this" he waved his hand between them "I can't be the other man" 

"The other man, Liam I never said that we would be an item" 

"No, you made it perfectly clear than John-Paul is a far better man than me" 

"I really don't know what to say Liam" 

"Then say nothing and go home to your boyfriend James, tell him what happened and move on with your life and leave whatever it was between us in the past, where it belongs". 

... 

Walking into his home he took a deep breath, it had been a few days since he had been there but it felt like months. He dropped his bag to the floor and headed into the kitchen and poured himself a large glass of whisky. "Remember where you live?" John-Paul asked and he sighed before turning to face him 

"It's been a really long few days, I don't want to argue, I just want to have a shower and get some sleep" 

"So we aren't even going to talk about where you have been?" 

"No we aren't" 

"James" he grabbed his wrist as he turned to walk away

"Get off me" he shouted, pushing him back "don't touch me"

"What the hell is going on with you James?"

"Nothing, I am fine, I just, I need to go out"

"James. JAMES" John-Paul shouted "Don't walk away from me. James". 

...

He stormed through the village, anger rising in him, he knew he couldn't cope anymore. Someone had to pay, those men had to pay. "James" he heard Liam call him but choose to ignore the man "James, wait" he could hear the man jogging to catch him up.

"Go away Liam"

"Whooa" Liam moved in front of him and blocked his way "How did it go with John-Paul?"

"It didn't, I haven't told him"

"James"

"Don't Liam, just leave me"

"No James"

"I think you made your feelings perfectly clear Liam. Now move out of my way"

"Why? Where are you going?"

"After these men" he pulled the paper from his pocket and Liam snatched it

"Is this them?" he asked, his eyes flickered over the names. James didn't answer, instead he pushed past Liam and carried on walking away "James" he called, grabbing his arm "This won't help"

"No? I think it will make me feel better"

"Let the police do their jobs James, this isn't worth you making a huge mistake"

"Just get off me" he pulled away again and Liam grabbed him once again "I said get off me" he shouted, pushing him backwards until his back hit a brick wall, he held him there by his collars "What do you care?"

"You know I care James"

"I need to do something"

"Then hit me, take it out on me but don't ruin your chance for justice, if you go after them and beat them, they will recover. Kill them, they will never suffer, they need to go to prison, where they will rot and take beatings everyday because of what they are". James pushed him harder against the wall before letting go and sinking to the ground

"You said you would help me, you promised me Liam" he was aware how needy he sounded but he did need him

"I know, I'm sorry, I was being selfish" he pulled him into a hug and held him close "I am so sorry James".

They remained there for several minutes before James pulled back "What do you want from me?" he asked 

"Nothing James, all I want is for you to go home and tell your boyfriend the truth, so he can support you" he took hold of his hand "Can you do that?" 

"Yes" he replied, with full intentions of going home and never talking to John-Paul about his situation. 

...

James had returned home and apologised for his outburst. John-Paul wanted to know what was wrong but he couldn't bring himself to tell his lover, instead settling with the simple lie that he was struggling at work. John-Paul had asked him if he fancied an early night, which he had declined and again said he had to pop back to work. He had waited patiently for the phone call and now he found himself stood outside the police station. The man was in sight, he had recognised him instantly and he felt a rush of pain shot through his body as he thought back to that night in the alley. He pulled the flick knife from his pocket before following after Noah Spencer...


	5. Chapter 5

He followed the man as he left the police station, on his phone like he didn't have a care in the world. He glanced down at the knife, he knew he would go to prison, but he didn't care, it would be worth it to watch the life drain from his face. He was nearing him now, this was it his one shot to repay one of the men who raped him. Feeling the hand pull him back he turned round "What are you doing here?" he spoke in a hushed voice

"Stopping you from making a huge mistake"

"No, I want him to pay"

"And he will, but not like this James". Turning back he saw that the man had disappeared "You aren't thinking straight, come on" he took hold of his arm 

"Get off of me, you just took that away from me" he pulled from his grip "I deserve revenge"

"Yeah you do but you need to be clever about this. I promise you they will all pay for what they have done"

"Why are you doing this?" he asked

"I don't know but what I do know is I can't walk away from you James"

"This has nothing to do with you Liam"

"Yes it does, you involved me, you asked for my help"

"Well now I am finished with your help, I am finished with you, you stay away from me" he walked away, as fast as his feet could carry him not once daring to look back at the man behind him.

...

James found himself drinking to forget, days turned into weeks and he couldn't remember one moment to the next. Every time Liam tried to talk to him, to see him, he was vile. John-Paul had told him in no uncertain terms to sort his shit out or they were over, for good. James had to think if that was really such a bad thing, he didn't want John-Paul, he didn't want Liam, at this moment in time, he just wanted to be alone, to stop functioning and to no longer have to deal with what was happening in his life. He was hung over and as he forced himself to eat the bowl of porridge he had prepared he heard his front door open and close. He moved to get sight of who was now in his home and he sighed as he saw the man he was meant to be in love with. "I thought you would be at work" John-Paul spoke, clearly uneasy at seeing him "I have just come to pick up the rest of my stuff" he watched him move through his home and putting the bowl down he followed him to his bedroom

"John-Paul I am sorry for the way I have treated you recently"

"No you're not, if you were, you would of told me what was going on" he finished stuffing his belongings into his bag and placed James' key to the dressing table "I get some things are hard to talk about but you know what, I would of done anything to help you deal with what ever is going on"

"I just, I can't"

"No, you are choosing not to, I know this is to do with Harry, you feel guilty for being with me but I don't deserve to be treated like this"

"No you are right, you don't"

"I would appreciate it if you keep your distance James, it's hard enough already" he moved past him and James swallowed deeply, the idea of loosing someone who really cared for him was terrifying.

"I was raped".

Time seemed to stand still, John-Paul didn't speak, James just stood on the spot, still facing away from his lover, unable to look him in the face. James could feel the room becoming increasingly smaller, his heart was beating faster, his head began to spin, a sick feeling swirling in his stomach. He turned, not looking at John-Paul he moved out of the bedroom. He felt the mans presence behind him "Why didn't you tell me?"

"When, should I have dropped it into dinner conversation or maybe while you were trying to sweet talk me into bed"

"I don't understand"

"Do you need me to draw a picture?"

"Don't, don't you dare talk to me like that, I have been where you are, I know how you are feeling"

"Mmm and there it is"

"What?"

"The reason I didn't tell you, the I have been there, done that and got the t-shirt"

"That's not fair"

"No, you are probably right. I don't want pity, I am ashamed and disgusted by what happened, I don't want to put that on to you"

"James, them feelings pass, it is natural to feel like that but you have nothing to be ashamed of. Will you let me help you through this?" he moved closer "Go to the police"

"I already have" he replied "I have done everything I need to do"

"Wow, you have been so strong and to deal with this on your own" he smiled "You are amazing"

James chose not to tell John-Paul of Liam's involvement and instead allowed him to move closer and hold him. 

...

The following day James felt at ease, he had finally told John-Paul the truth and they had talked things through, he had been honest, to an extent. He knew he has to focus on getting his relationship back on track, his life back to normal. "Morning" John-Paul smiled as he walked into the kitchen and over to kiss his lips. "I have been thinking, I could take a few days off, stay home and support you" 

"Don't do that, don't treat me like glass, I am not going to break" 

"It is okay to break" 

"I am not going too" he didn't dare tell him that he already had broken, several times, in another man's arms 

"Okay but it would be nice to spend the day together, curl up on the sofa, watch some films, eat some popcorn" 

"I have to go to work" 

"Tonight then, date night?" 

"Okay, sounds good, I do need to get to work now though". John-Paul took hold of James hand and kissed him as he went to leave 

"I love you" 

"Ditto" he replied, finding it impossible to form the actual words. 

... 

James walked slowly through the village, he was dragging his feet, the idea of a cosy night in made him feel sick. He loved John-Paul, he was sure of it but his life felt such a mess, everytime he closed his eyes he thought of what them men did to him, he was dreading the idea of anyone else ever finding out, people whispering behind his back, laughing at him, thinking he deserved it for all the evil he has inflicted on the world, the thugs, the gangsters, the murders who walked free because of him, the rapists who were free because of him. "Still ignoring me?". He glanced up to see his ex lover leaning against the club wall 

"Am I ignoring you? No" he replied "Interested in having a conversation with you? Also no". He walked slowly past him and waited for the witty comeback but nothing "What? No sarcastic comment" 

"No James, I think you have been through enough, just no I am here, if you need me". Liam walked into the club and James felt Liam's indifference before following after him 

"John-Paul and I are making a real go of it" he spoke and Liam turned from the bar to face him "I love him" 

"I am happy for you" 

"No you aren't, you hate the thought of me with him" 

"Why are you doing this?" 

"Doing what Liam, telling you a few home truths?" 

"No, you are trying to get a rise out of me" 

"You took my one chance for revenge away, I will never forgive you for that" 

"No, I stopped you from chucking your life away James, you can hate me all you want but I would do exactly the same again" 

"You are just as bad as they are, you took my dignity just like they did" 

"I think you should go now James, go home to your boyfriend and get on with your life, I will stay out of your future, but if you ever need me I am always going to be there, no matter what" James turned away and began to walk from the club, feeling a pang of guilt in his chest, he shouldn't of blamed Liam but he also was not one to apologise.


	6. Chapter 6

"Yes come in" he could hear John-Paul at his front door as he headed towards his living area "I will let him know you are here, take a seat". He stopped as the man met him just before he entered the room "Police are here, they say they have some news". James nodded and followed John-Paul into the room to greet the police officer. John-Paul offered them drinks, the police declined politely and James just shook his head.

"Mr Nightingale" the officer began "We have reviewed all the evidence for your case and we feel it is unlikely we can get a conviction"

"So you are dropping it?" he felt John-Paul place a hand to his shoulder

"I'm sorry, its unlikely the CPS will take it any further, the men involved have said you consented"

"So it was all for nothing"

"No, these men are very much on our radar now"

"Well that makes it all worth while then"

"This is obviously a lot to process, there are organisations you can talk too"

"I think this conversation is over and I have to get to work, see yourselves out". James headed back through his home towards his bedroom, intent on collecting what he needed and leaving for work 

"That was a bit rude James, it's not there fault" 

"No, but yet here I am, blaming them, they are letting rapists walk free" 

"I know this is hard to take" 

"You really don't John-Paul, you may of been through this but you have no idea how I feel right now". 

"Where are you going?" he asked as James pushed past him

"Anywhere that isn't here".   
...

Life was a bitch, he wanted revenge, he needed revenge. How was it fair that they were walking free, that these men could treat him like that and pay no consequences. He knew he was falling into the bottle of wine in front of him and as he poured another glass he felt his body yearn for more. "That won't help" the voice startled him and he glanced to John-Paul as he sat down opposite him 

"No, its about the only thing making me feel better" 

"James, I want to help make you feel better" 

"Then leave me alone John-Paul" 

"No, I love you, I am not letting you self destruct, I will get you through this" James continued to drink his wine and John-Paul reached out for his hand. "I have booked us a weekend away" 

"What?" 

"A nice romantic weekend, you will feel so much better after" 

"No, I don't want to go away" 

"Tough, you are going, we leave tonight, so go home, get yourself packed and start to relax" 

"John-Paul I said I don't want to go" 

"Be ready for seven, I am not taking no for an answer". John-Paul left the table and James felt the need to drink more. Most men would be over the moon by the gesture but here he was, holding him responsible for making his day even worse. 

... 

Storming into the club he felt anger, he didn't know how he got there but he was holding Liam responsible, maybe because he had stopped him from getting revenge or maybe he just needed someone to blame. Seeing him leant against the bar, he moved over "Liam" he called as he neared him and he turned to face him, the next thing he registered was him laying on the floor, he had hit him. Liam jumped up and grabbed him by his collars, blood was pouring from his nose 

"What the fuck is your problem?" 

"You" he pushed the man back "You are a hypocrite Liam, you take the law into your own hands as and when it pleases you but I get no revenge, no justice because of you" Liam grabbed his collars again and pushed him into the bar 

"Jesus James, I did it for you, the police-" 

"The police have dropped it, they are free men" 

"Shit" he let go of James and stepped back "I'm sorry" 

"I don't know what to do" James sunk to the floor and buried his head in his hands "I want the pain to stop" 

"It will" Liam moved closer, wiping the blood on his sleeve, he leant down next to him "I know you will get through this" 

"How Liam? How do you know that?" 

"Because you are James Nightingale" he gently touched his face and smiled "You are the strongest person I know". Liam looked straight in his eyes and sighed "I don't know what else to say to make you understand how amazing you actually are" 

"I need to go" he stood up quickly, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in the situation, listening to Liam talk to him like this made his feel guilty "John-Paul and I are going away for the weekend" 

"Yeah, course" Liam smiled, he had a look on his face that James wasn't used to, almost as if he was hurting "Have a good weekend".


	7. Chapter 7

The weekend had dragged past and James was feeling no better as they had returned home, he had avoided spending any real time with John-Paul and he couldn't bring himself to be intimate. They had argued, James had gone out of his way to cause arguments, about the car journey, the hotel, the room, the food, anything he could cause an argument about he would. He wasn't even sure why, he just knew he couldn't be civil to the man he was supposed to be in love with. Walking into his home he heard John-Paul calling to him, he choose to ignore him. He walked into his bedroom and began to unpack, he found Sunday's pretty mundane and he couldn't help but feel he had hit a brick wall, nothing excited him, nothing felt interesting anymore. "Did you not hear me calling you?" John-Paul asked ""I was going to grab us something nice for tea"

"I'm not hungry"

"James I am trying to do something nice"

"Well stop, I have had a stomach full with this pitiful attempt to make me feel better"

"I'll just go then shall I?". James chose to ignore him, John-Paul grabbed his arm "You know what, you seriously need to get your act together, I am really trying to be supportive, to be there for you but you don't make it easier"

"Sorry"

"But you aren't are you?"

"I am"

"If that's true then sort yourself out James"

"It's not that simple"

"I know how hard it is, believe me, but if you love me, then don't push me away".

...

John-Paul had gone to bed early, apparently exhausted from their amazing weekend, which led James to think they weren't on the same break. However, of course they were, John-Paul was making an unnecessary attempt at making him feel better. James stumbled through the village, the bottle of wine barely touching the sides as he fell from one step to the next. He fell against the door of the club and pushed to go inside, there was a young lady behind the bar, he didn't recognise her, "Bottle of wine" he professed 

"We are closed" the woman spoke "I am just cleaning up" 

"That's fine, I am happy to take it with me" 

"I think you have had enough" 

"I think that is none of your business, if you won't serve me I will get it myself" he pushed round the bar and the woman looked frightened as he towered over her but he was intent on getting his drink, he took a bottle and pulled some money from his wallet and threw it at her "Thank you" he said sarcastically before heading for the door. He fell out the door and began to stumble along the road, he saw Liam coming from the steps and sighed "I paid for it" 

"Should of guessed it was you when Flick rang and said some stuck up prick stole a bottle" 

"I didn't steal it, I left money so if 'Flick' said I didn't she is the thief" 

"I don't care about the money James, this stuff will finish you off" Liam snatched the bottle from him and James stumbled as he tried to grab it 

"You think I care" James shouted "If I drink so much I end up dead in a ditch" Liam threw the bottle to the ground, watching the glass smash and the liquid quickly spread

"D'you know what, you probably don't care, it's the people left behind picking up the pieces that care" Liam turned away and walked a few steps before turning back "Before you drink yourself to an early grave, stop and think of your family, your son" he pointed towards the steps "My brother died over there and not a minute goes by that I don't think about how I could of saved him, stopped him having that one to many" 

"Liam" he turned away again and James grabbed his arm "I am sorry Liam, I didn't think" 

"Well maybe you should try thinking James, you are hurting everyone around you and no one deserves it. John-Paul loves you" 

"You think I don't know that, I can't even bare to be around him, for him to touch me" James signed "I don't know what to do" 

"Then get help, there is no shame in it, in needing to talk" tears began to fall freely from James' eyes "Come on, let's get you home". 

... 

The two men stumbled through the front door, James had refused to be taken home so Liam had insisted he had come with him, he had put him to bed and James had fallen asleep almost instantly. Hearing the loud beeping James sat up with a start, he turned the alarm off quickly and glanced round the empty room, morning felt like it had come instantly, he could hear the shower running and guessed Liam was in there. He rubbed his eyes and reached for his jacket, digging inside his pocket for his phone, he read through the many text messages John-Paul had sent and deleted the 29 missed calls. The en-suite door opened and he glanced to the man entering "You're awake" Liam smiled "How you feeling?" 

"Like shit, what happened?" 

"I think you are better off not remembering" 

"Did we, have sex?" 

"God no, what do you take me for, the state you were in". Liam came and sat next to him on the bed "You should get home, sort yourself out". He noticed how exhausted the man was looking, Liam never appeared anything but perfect, so it was unusual

"You look tired" 

"Yeah, I didn't get any sleep, I wanted to make sure nothing happened to you and that you were safe, you had a lot to drink" 

"Jesse" James sighed as the realisation hit him "I'm sorry, I should never of put you in that situation" 

"You did and we can't turn the clock back, I have to go, I have a delivery coming in, just let yourself out when you are ready". Liam walked away and James realised that in that moment Liam had shown he truly had been hurt by James actions and definitely hadn't come to terms with what had happened to Jesse. 

... 

James felt sick and his head was thumping when he had returned home, thankfully John-Paul hadn't been in when he got back. He had collapsed on the bed intent on sleeping the day away. He wanted to sleep, he needed to sleep, but here he was his mind playing tricks on him. He loved John-Paul, he was sure of it but why was he so drawn to Liam, why could he not get him from his mind. Maybe he was in love with the idea of John-Paul and the relationship he could have with him. Closing his eyes, he hoped he could fall asleep soon, he really needed it. "James" he felt his body being shaken vigorously and he realised he had fallen asleep. "The police are here" John-Paul spoke "They say its urgent". James rubbed his eyes before getting out of the bed and following the man towards the living room. 

"Mr Nightingale, I am PC Jones and this is PC Towner" the young fair haired lady introduced the pair "we would like to ask you a few questions regarding the men who you alleged attacked you?" 

"No allegement. They did attack me. They raped me" 

"We are aware of the circumstances" the woman smiled "When was the last time you saw them?" 

"The night they raped me" it was a lie but he felt the need, he had of course seen Noah Spencer the day he had followed him 

"Could you tell me about your movements over the weekend?" 

"This weekend?" he clarified and she nodded "We were away" he gestured to John-Paul "We spent the weekend at a hotel" 

"Could we get some details about that?" 

"Yes" James replied as John-Paul began to dig in his briefcase "As soon as you tell me what is going on?" 

"The three men you have alleged your complaint against were viciously assaulted, we are just ruling you out of our inquiries" 

"As much as I would love too, it has nothing to do with me" 

"Conformation" John-Paul smiled handing some paperwork to the women "Feel free to check it all out". 

"Thank you, we will" the lady passed a card to James "If you think of anything, please don't hesitate to contact me". 

John-Paul had shown the officers out and returned to where James now sat on the sofa "Tell me this has nothing to do with you?" 

"How can it? I was with you" 

"So you have absolutely no idea who was behind this?" 

"No, I don't" it was a lie of course, he knew exactly who was responsible for this, Liam and he was determined to have it out with him and why he felt he could take revenge, when he was the one who had prevented James from getting revenge himself.


	8. Chapter 8

James had been to the club looking for Liam to no success, which was a surprise, Liam was always in the club and he had told him this morning he had deliveries coming in today. He stormed up the steps and banged on his front door, there was no answer, so he rose his fist and banged again. He heard the door being unlocked and he took a step forward, ready to storm in. "You're early" Liam spoke as he pulled the door open. "James, what are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry, am I interrupting?" James spoke sarcastically as he pushed his way inside, moving past Liam and heading into his kitchen

"Well yes actually, I am expecting someone"

"Well this won't take long, I am assuming it was you?"

"What was me?"

"That assaulted the men who raped me"

"I didn't touch them"

"I don't believe you"

"I don't care"

"What gave you the right to stop me and then attack them yourself?"

"I didn't touch them"

"You are a self righteous hypocrite" a bang on the front door made both men stop their words mid argument

"You need to go"

"No, I'm not finished yet" he crossed his arms as an act of firmness, the two men didn't loose eye contact as they almost dared each other to back down, the door knocked again "Do you want to get rid of your visitor?" 

"James" Liam looked angered but appeared to dismiss it and walk towards the door. 

James could hear him talking before he appeared with a heavy set man, with a large tattoo over the side of his shaved head, he looked like someone James would not associate himself with, unless being paid a large amount of money to defend him. "James this is an old mate of mine Ray. Ray, this is James" 

"Nice ta meet ya" the man spoke, holding his hand out, James reluctantly shook it "I have heard a lot about you" 

"Really? Because I have heard nothing about you". James eyed Liam suspiciously, he looked guilty and James couldn't work out why. 

"Now that the introductions are over. You got what I asked you for?" Liam spoke. Ray pulled an envelope from his inside coat pocket and passed it to Liam, he pulled out what looked like photos and flicked through them before putting them back inside the envelope. "I'll get your money" Liam said and he and Ray appeared to exchange a look before Liam placed the envelope to the kitchen counter and slid it towards James. 

James pulled it open and took out the photos, he felt sick instantly as he came face to face with the men who raped him. Flicking through the photos he felt his head begin to spin, each of the men had been tattooed with the word rapist several times, the most noticeable across each of their foreheads. He pushed the photos in the envelope and Ray took it from him and tucked it back into his pocket "Even with a good few removal sessions they ain't going to get these off without scars" 

"Six grand" Liam spoke as he reappeared and passed a large package to the man "I'll show you out" he led Ray away and James was left alone with his thoughts, he had become even more angry. He moved after the men and as Liam pushed the front door closed, he grabbed his collars and pushed him hard into it. 

"How could you do that?" he shouted "What the hell is wrong with you?" 

"I did it for you" 

"No you did it so you could take control. I can't represent you, knowing that you are guilty" 

"I don't want you too, I will happily do time" 

"Why?" James shouted "Why would you do this?" 

"Because I love you" Liam shouted as he pushed James back from him and James could see the hurt in his eyes "I did it because I am in love with you alright, I always have been". 

James was so taken back by his words, a few seconds passed before he had processed what Liam had said and he moved towards him and pulled him into a passionate clinch. The kiss lasted several minutes and both men were gasping for breath when James withdrew. He took Liam's hand and pulled him towards the stairs "You don't have to do this" Liam whispered, stopping him 

"I want too" James replied, pulling him up the stairs and towards his bedroom.


	9. Chapter 9

It had been an eventful day, James was sat in Liam's bed watching him sleep. He was a gorgeous man, he looked so innocent and James thought that it must be his eyes that gave him that evil glint. Liam had been exhausted and fell asleep soon after they had sex, he had been up for at least 24 hours, after watching him sleep all night last night. He was finding it intoxicating watching him and he felt a pang of guilt as he slowly grazed his fingers over the soft skin of his chest. John-Paul was crazy about him, he loved him and could offer him such a bright future but here he was drawn to the dark, murky life of Liam Donovan. He climbed from the bed and dressed, he took one last look at the man before slipping out of the bedroom. He headed out the front door and pulled his jacket on as he jogged down the steps "Dad" he glanced up to see his son walking towards him

"Romeo, I" he glanced up the steps before back to his son "I have had a business meeting"

"Really, cause you look like you are doing the walk of shame, from that psychos place of all people"

"No, we were"

"Its none of my business what you do in your private life" he went to walk past him and turned back "John-Paul is a good man"

"I know, I know that Romeo"

"And he idolises you"

"I know" James glanced up the steps "I know what I stand to lose, I just don't know what I want"

"Yeah, the problem is, however much he loves you and he is a good man, if it isn't right and he isn't the person you want and you want Liam, you can never make it work" 

"Liam isn't the man you think he is"

"So he isn't a thug, a gangster, a criminal?"

"Well yes, he is all those things but there is so much more to him, he is a good person"

"Sounds like you know which one of them you want"

"When did you get so wise?"

"Dunno" he smiled "It certainly doesn't come from either of my parents".

...

Walking through the door James chucked his jacket into the sofa and headed to where John-Paul stood in the kitchen. He let out a sigh as his boyfriend poured him a large glass of wine. "Are you okay?" he asked "You flew out of here when the police left this morning". 

"Yes, yes, I am fine. Just a lot on my mind" 

"Well I can help with that" John-Paul kissed his lips "I have cooked and we can have a cosy night in" 

"I had sex with Liam". The silence was deafening, he could feel his heart beating, thumping in his ears, it felt like it would burst from his chest. Several minutes passed before John-Paul continued to stir whatever he was cooking on the top of the cooker 

"This won't be long, can you set the table?" 

"John-Paul, did you hear what I said?" 

"Of course I heard James" he placed his spoon down and looked James in the eye "You said you weren't ready, did he put pressure on you?" 

"Do you think I would give in to pressure?" 

"James" 

"No, I wanted to, I choose to have sex with him, I came on to him" 

"It's because of what has happened James" 

"It's not" 

"He has preyed on your vulnerability" 

"No"

"Yes, he doesn't know what happened and"

"He does know John-Paul, he has always known, I called him from the hospital" he interrupted 

"You told him, before me?" he asked and James simply nodded "Do you know what I think that hurts more than you cheating on me"

"I don't know what to say"

"You could start with explaining yourself, you love me, why would you do this?" the knock on the door broke the silence and James walked towards the door "James leave it, we need to talk"

"It could be important". Opening the door James sighed "What do you want?" he asked

"I hope you are happy with yourself" Grace shouted as she pushed inside

"Look whatever this is about it can wait Grace, we are in the middle of something" John-Paul stressed as he walked over to them

"No actually it can't wait, do you know what your so called boyfriend has done"

"Yes I do, he has told me and I have forgiven him" James glanced to John-Paul, he truly was an amazing man

"Oh so you two carry on playing happy families and my brother ends up with nothing"

"It really wasn't like that" James spoke

"No, well I have already lost Adam and Jesse and now I am losing Liam too"

"What?" James asked

"He is leaving, he is all packed up and he is never coming back and it's all your fault"

"He is leaving" James said

"Good riddance" John-Paul replied "We can get on with our lives"

"No, no, we can't John-Paul, I'm sorry, I can't, I have to stop him".

...

James was sure his legs couldn't carry him any faster, his heart was racing, his mind was spinning, he was slightly concerned he had left the villages answer to Ma Baker and his scorned lover in his home but nothing was going to stop him getting to Liam, he pushed people out of his way, he was rude and had no intentions of stopping to help Cindy, who's bag of shopping went flying as he crashed into her. "Liam" he shouted as he saw the man loading his bags into a taxi "Liam wait" he grabbed him and turned him to face him "Where are you going?" 

"It's for the best James" he closed the taxi boot "It gives you a chance to have a future with John-Paul" 

"I don't want too" 

"You do James, its what you deserve" 

"No Liam I don't want him, I want to be with you" 

"James, I am no good for you" 

"I don't care" 

"He can give you everything" Liam pointed to where John-Paul headed towards them in the distance, Grace just behind him 

"So what, he can offer me a future but what does it matter if its not the future I want Liam and the future I want is with you" 

"You are not thinking straight" 

"Liam, my mind has never been clearer" 

"Mate, do you want me to take you to the airport or not?" The taxi driver asked, as he appeared behind the taxi 

"Liam, listen to me, don't get in that taxi, stay here, stay for me"


	10. Chapter 10

"Liam, come on, you know this is right, there is something between us that we can't ignore" James knew how desperate he seemed but he couldn't lose him, he took hold of his hand and despite it being against everything he had built himself to do he sighed "Please Liam, don't leave me"

"You left me for him, again, you made your decision when you walked out today James" 

"No, I went home and I told John-Paul, you are my choice Liam" 

"James" John-Paul spoke as he arrived next to him "Come home, we can sort this"

"No, I didn't mean to hurt you John-Paul but I have to do what is right for me"

"And you really think that's him?" John-Paul asked gesturing to Liam "He is walking away James, just let him go"

"I'm not walking away" Liam spoke "James, is this what you want, are you sure?"

He moved into his lips, burying his hand into his hair as their tongues twisted into each other, pulling away, he smiled "I want you Liam, only you"

"You arsehole" John-Paul grabbed hold of James and pulled him away from Liam, he went to hit him and Liam pushed between them and forced him back

"I would think very carefully about your next move"

"Liam, leave it. John-Paul I am sorry for the way I have treated you but it isn't fair of me to lead you on"

"You two deserve each other, you are both twisted, fucked up walking disasters" John-Paul walked away and James turned back to Liam who was unloading the boot

"So you are staying then?" James asked

"James, I would do anything for you, I just want what's best for you" he passed a bag to James and smiled "Come on, you can help me unpack".

...

The two men had not unpacked his things, instead they had ended up in bed, which was exactly James' intentions. As they sat next to each other under the covers, Liam took his hand and smiled at him "You know, you shouldn't feel guilty about John-Paul"

"I should Liam, he has been supportive of me and I did this to him"

"But this is what you want, isn't it?"

"This is everything I want"

"Okay" Liam grabbed his underwear from the floor and slipped out the bed "I really need to get this unpacking done"

"No you don't, come back to bed"

The door opening startled both the men and Grace walked in followed by two men "Sorry Liam but they were very insistent"

"Liam Donovan, we are arresting you on suspicion of causing grievous bodily harm, you do not have to say anything. But, it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence, do you understand?"

"On what grounds?" James asked

"That's for us to discuss with Mr Donovan at the station, could you get dressed sir" Liam began to dress and James moved to grab his clothes

"You will not be interviewing my client until I arrive have seen the evidence"

"We won't be allowing you to represent Mr Donovan"

"You can't be serious" James asked

"All the necessary paperwork is in place Mr Nightingale, you are to personally connected to Mr Donovan and the case"

"This is absurd, Liam I will have the best lawyer I know down there"

"I know" Liam leant over the bed and kissed his lips "It's going to be fine James" he turned to the officers "Come on then, the sooner we get this over with, the sooner I can get back to bed" he winked at James as the officer handcuffed him and led him away.

...

James had stuck to his word and had instructed Mark Tainer, the best he knew, besides himself to get down the station and represent Liam. He had received a phone call from Mark, telling him that Liam was being released without charge and had got himself down to the police station. He leant against the small brick wall and he was there all of five minutes when Liam walked from the station with the man. "Are you okay?" he asked as he stood up

"I am fine" Liam replied "Thanks to your friend here" the two men shook hands and Liam asked "Have you got a card, incase I need your services again?" Mark passed him a card and said goodbye to the two men and left. Liam smiled to James "He is good, I need someone like him"

"You have me"

"Yes but your interests are not impartial are they James?"

"I can be impartial"

"No you can't" Liam moved closer "We both know, you want to get in my underwear, so you have an ulterior motive"

"What did they say anyway?" James asked, rolling his eyes

"That I am free man, they have no evidence I was involved in what happened to the men who attacked you"

"So why did they arrest you?"

"They had a tip off"

"From who?"

"Anonymous apparently" he frowned "But no prizes for guessing who it was" 

"John-Paul" James stated 

"Yeah, I think he and I need a little chat now".


	11. Chapter 11

Liam had this way about him, he could appear perfectly calm and then snap when you least expect it, he had seemed almost amused by the fact he had been arrested but here he was now, after John-Paul's blood and heading straight for the village. "You need to calm down Liam" James grabbed his arm and turned him to face him

"Calm down seriously, your lover boy puts me in the frame and you tell me to calm down" he turned away 

James grabbed his arm once again "No, you put yourself in the frame when you arranged for the attack on those men and John-Paul is far from my lover boy, I think I have made that perfectly clear to both you and him" 

"This is all your doing James, playing us off against each other" 

"Seriously, that's what you think I have been doing?" James stepped back from him "Wow Liam, I really thought we had something" 

"But if you hadn't of been raped would you have ever decided you wanted this, wanted me?" 

"You are unbelievable Liam. I can't do this" 

"Can't do what?" 

"This" he gestured between them "I ended things with John-Paul because I want you" he shook his head "I have to go, I refuse to be with someone who thinks so little of me" he began to walk away, a few seconds later Liam gripped his arm and turned him back 

"I'm sorry" he sighed "I can't help being jealous" 

"You have no reason to be jealous Liam" James sighed "I made my choice and I am happy, I want you and only you. Nothing to do with whether I was happy with John-Paul or that I was attacked, this is because I thought there was something between us, something real" 

"I just, I don't want this to go wrong, I'm" he stopped himself and James smiled as he pulled him close 

"You are frightened Liam, that's what happens when you fall in love, you become frightened of losing that person" 

"I can't just let this go though, he had me nicked James" 

"You need to let it go Liam, yes he had you arrested but if you go and have it out with him, you will be back in a cell faster than you can say revenge" 

"So I just forget it?" 

"Yes and come home with me" he kissed his lips gently "Don't let him win, if we are going to do this, we do it properly, we are a team Liam and no one stands a chance against us" 

"So what now?" 

"Now, we go and celebrate your freedom".   
... 

Laying on opposite ends of the bed, the two men were exhausted, James was reading through the emails on his phone as Liam lifted his foot into his lap and began to slowly massage it. James couldn't help but feel relaxed, something he had struggled with recently, he glanced up at him and sighed "I need to work Liam" 

"I'm not stopping you" 

"I think we both know that isn't true" Liam lifted his foot to his mouth and kissed him 

"If you want me to distract you" he grinned before he ran his tongue up the side of his foot 

"I will send you on your way Liam" 

"You want me to go?" he asked, moving his hand up his leg "Really?" 

"I have work I need to catch up on, I will get fired" 

"You could be a kept man" 

"A kept man, by you?" 

"Yep" he rose his eyebrow as he moved onto his knees "You can be my little pet" 

"I am not anyone's pet Liam and I did not spend years of my life training to be a 'kept' man" 

"You are so serious" he moved further up the bed and gently touched his lips "I think you need to relax" 

"Liam" he sighed as he moved his hand down his chest and slowly into his underwear "You are-" 

"Amazing?" Liam interrupted 

"I was thinking more insatiable" 

"Mmm" he groaned before moving into his lips again "But you love it". 

... 

The two men settled into a booth in the pub and looked over the menu, Liam poured their bottle of wine into the glasses and leant across the table and took James' hand "Listen, with the risk of sounding juvenile, I need you to know, I am really happy and I am so proud of everything you have accomplished these last few weeks" 

"Wow, what have you done with the real Liam Donovan?" 

"Don't panic, he is still in there" he winked 

"So it's true?" Marnie's voice interrupted them

"Mother" 

"I was hoping John-Paul was mistaken, yet here you are with this miscreant" 

"You what?" Liam asked 

"You are definitely not good enough for my son and the fact he has thrown away a lovely young man for you, it really makes me wonder what on earth is going through your head James?" 

"I have made my choice Mother" 

"Well it is not a good one James, you need to think through what you are doing here darling, go and put it right with John-Paul before it's to late" 

"I have thought it through Mother" 

"You clearly haven't or you would not be sat here with this negation" 

"What did you call me?" 

"Liam leave it" James pleaded "Mother, I think you should leave, I have made my choice, I love Liam and-" 

"Love?" Liam interrupted 

"You can not be serious?" Marnie stressed

"Yes I love him" 

"Please think of what you are saying here" 

"I love him mother" he paused and looked at Liam "I love you" he smiled as he took his hand across the table once again "I really love you Liam" 

"I love you James" 

"He will break your heart, you will end up dead or in prison" Marnie hit the table with the palm of her hand "You are a lowlife" she turned her attention to Liam

"Well nobody's perfect" Liam laughed. Marnie stomped off and Liam sighed glancing to James "She is right you know, I am far from perfect boyfriend material" 

"Well, I guess I love your imperfections Liam"


End file.
